"Ho Ho Ho !" Yeah Shut the F**k Up!

It's 2:06 am, 25th December, aka Christmas.

Friends are having fun, parents are sleeping.

I'm doing neither.

Evenings such as these really brings with it this wretched feeling of sordidness.

Earlier when I was a kid, during winter I would get these sudden urges to create artwork and crafts and things alike, and after making something I would be thoroughly disappointed with myself and end up throwing the entire thing into the dustbin, only after ripping it to pieces.

No, this had nothing to do with my short-temper, rage or impatience and not that I wasn't good at art- I was rather good at it. It was just this inadequate feeling that hovered in the air and sucked the fun out of everything.

Contrarily, winter is also when I'm quite happy and active most of the time. In summer I'm cranky and lazy. Yes.

So it's weird how I can have such contradictory feelings. I guess that's why I really like and identify with the phrase "in two minds" whether it means you're indecisive or you're having mixed feelings, it kind of goes with what's going on in my head most of the time, although I don't like to think of myself as a fickle person. I'm not I guess, or am I? And this doesn't mean that I am.

My mother is very fickle-minded ( when i was a kid, I used to say 'frickle-minded' instead of 'fickle-minded', but that's not important right now). My mother is the queen of fickle-minded people. I say this often but she's like the Roman mob, except she's one person.

and now I dont want to type anymore.

This sucks.

Below, are some Christmas photos.

Enjoy.

Flash

I haven't blogged for ages. ages.

So, I was watching Full House (it takes my mind off things and makes me less irritable when I am irritable, like right now) and there's this episode where Jesse's writing a report for school on his new computer/laptop and his twin sons accidentally erase the 12 page report and Jesse's going ballistic, and finally Stephanie somehow restores the file for him and i see that the report is on 'Death of a Saleman' which is a play by Arthur Miller.

This made me realize that earlier, when I had seen this episode I didn't know about the play so I didn't care, but since I studied it this semester in college I am now familiar with it and I can tell that whatever they show of the report - it's all accurate- the facts and information etc. There are so many things that I've come across before in so many different places and they haven't mattered before because I never knew what they were or anything about them, but when I come across those same things years later, they seem to matter because I know what those things are and they suddenly make sense and hold importance to me.

This is the snapshot of the report that Jesse was working on: