Friday, February 16, 2007

An Inspiration..Really



I close my eyes and this image floats beside me
The sweaty-toothed madman with a stare that pounds my brains
His hands reach out and choke me
And all the time he's mumbling
Truth, like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold.
You push it, stretch it, it will never be enough
Kick it beat it, it will never cover any of us.
From the moment we enter crying, to the moment we leave dying,
it will just cover your face
as you wail and cry and scream.

~ {Todd Anderson} The Dead Poets' Society

And when i see the picture of the old man
he looks to me as if he were made of stone
of a stone that is fossilised and made into a paperweight,a stone used as an everyday object but containing a remenant of a lost soul that once existed and which now ceases to be.
He looks at me with weary eyes that say nothing yet they seem to listen intently to what i had to say to him and to the world.
I told him that he scared me, that his wild white hair looked as if it were an old lion's mane, that his forehead was ugly with wrinkles and that he had ragged cuticles even though i couldnt see his hands.
This Tableaux Vivant told no story like the picture of the silly girl and the flower nest to it but it was more alive than the souls which wandered in that old dark cave behind Wellton Woods.
The picture was alive, the old man was alive, so was the God of the old dark cave behind Wellton Woods.
It was once before a mere stand of an old lamp which never worked, but now it was the God of an old dark cave in which wandered the souls of the dead poets and the soul of one who was Puck.

In the end we yawp:
"O Captain! my Captain! our fearful trip is done"

And then.

"We took the world as given.Cigarettes

Were twenty sseveral cents a pack, and gas

As much per gallon. Sex came wrapped in rubber

And veild in supernatural scruples, - call

Them chivalry

Psychology was in the mind; abstract
Things grabbed us where we lived, the only life worth living was the private life, and last
Worst scandal in this characterization -
We did not know we were a generation."
~ John Updike
Class of 1954





Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Delirium[?]


There's nothing on my mind now.
Nothing.
You say "nothing" but you're just saying it.
But i seriously mean it.
Really...

Fine..

Everything's a..
Blur...Haze...Fog.
Void... and then come those FLies.
Damn.

I like to take photographs again.
I like to play the guitar again.
I like to listen to jazz.
[The concert was too good
Watching Hancock and Shorter was like a dream come true]
I like to sing again.
Recently I've been singing the third verse of the School of Rock Song over and over again.
You know the part where the black girl "Tamika" sings her solo..
I love singing that part.
I dont like singing for other people.
I like to sit in the balcony when my parents are out.
Do you feel miserable for no specific reason?
I do.
All the time.
Its a really horrible feeling.
I felt like that some time back. Still am, a bit, but it has died down a bit.
I snap at everybody around me when I'm like that.
I dont like being that way.
But its the only way people at home leave me alone.
Now that..I like.
I dont like justifications all the time.
Damn i love the Blues.
Soul Music.

I never understood "The Hermit and the Rose".
Never.
Not now.
Not ever.
The sight of the light- blue book makes me depressed.
heh.

Da dum da dum da dum.
Water-Melon Man...ta ra ra ra...
I love that song.
Thats the song they ended the concert with.
The members of the Thelonious Monk Institute of Jazz are as good as Hancock and Shorter.
I wanna be good too.
yeah.huh.
ok.

So
A friend of mine wrote a story about a Butcher.
It was a fabulous story.
It began with a quote.
I like the quote..It went like,

"The whole reason the Butcher existed was because he was a parody of all of us. He was a disintegrated shape of things that had happened, and things that were to come. He was a parody of the system. He butchered nobody. We butchered him"
~ Detective Sergeant, Pinkerton, refuses to give his name, Saturday, November 15, 2001.

And i said
There's nothing on my mind now.
And look what was on my mind...
Yeah i'm like everybody as well...
Nothing..Everthing...
Its all the same.
Aint it?


[Photo: Taken on an exceptionally cold but sunny afternoon in the balcony]


***********




Thursday, January 04, 2007

The Christmas/New Year Post

So thats me in my Christmas Hat, people call it The Santa Hat
but i like calling it The Christmas Hat. Another thing is that i cant say Merry Christmas, I like saying Happy Christmas. It must be due to the brititsh movies i've been watching.
Well, Happy Christmas!

Thats Rj in my Christmas Hat. She told me she really wanted one as well
but nobody bought her one, and it was only 20 bucks!
Look how happy she looks!



ok so i had a good christmas
and i had an AMAZING time on the 31st.
and i have bloggers block
and i cant help it.

Things that Happened:

1) Priyasha left school and went to Cambridge.
[as the 12s are leaving as well we dont have a vocalist anymore and now that pri's gone we have one less guitarist....oh this is so great...]

2) Apurva and I got bike rides
[oh my god, it was amazing!]

3) I discovered i have cousins who used to live in Tanzenia who live in cal now and one of them has a drumset so i can go and play it anytime i want to..yay!!

4) I did alot of crazy things that i cannot write here in case my mother checks my blog.

To end the post i would like to show you a very short and badly taken video of Apurva doing her funny dance on 31st night.
WATCH
ENJOY
COMMENT
[oh shes so going to kill me for this]
I'de suggest that you first hit the play button and minimize the window and let the video run once and then hit replay and watch it, that way it doesnt get stuck :)






Thursday, November 30, 2006

THE END

This is "THE" song of the month~
The End ~ The Doors
This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end
Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
Ill never look into your eyes...again
Can you picture what will be
So limitless and free
Desperately in need...of some...strangers hand
In a...desperate land
Lost in a roman...wilderness of pain
And all the children are insane
All the children are insane
Waiting for the summer rain, yeah
Theres danger on the edge of town
Ride the kings highway, baby
Weird scenes inside the gold mine
Ride the highway west, baby
Ride the snake, ride the snake
To the lake, the ancient lake, baby
The snake is long, seven miles
Ride the snake...hes old, and his skin is cold
The west is the best
The west is the best
Get here, and well do the rest
The blue bus is callin us
The blue bus is callin us
Driver, where you taken us
The killer awoke before dawn, he put his boots on
He took a face from the ancient gallery
And he walked on down the hall
He went into the room where his sister lived, and...then he
Paid a visit to his brother, and then he
He walked on down the hall, andAnd he came to a door...and he looked inside
Father, yes son, I want to kill you
Mother...i want to...f**k you
Cmon baby, take a chance with us
Cmon baby, take a chance with us
Cmon baby, take a chance with us
And meet me at the back of the blue bus
Doin a blue rockOn a blue busDoin a blue rock
Cmon, yeah
Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill
This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end
It hurts to set you free
But youll never follow me
The end of laughter and soft lies
The end of nights we tried to die
This is the end

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Tomorrow's a Monday

you know i wonder why the bugs are always attracted to the light.
there are like a thousand bugs under the little yellow lamp in my room.
there were bugs last night as well under the same lamp. when i went to sleep last night i switched the lamp off and when i woke up in the morning i saw that all the bugs were lying dead under the lamp and then the maid came and swept them away. this woman is new and she's a bit wierd, but thats ok. the previous made ran away and got married and then her husband wanted money from her folks and they couldnt give it and so he left her at her folks place.that was about two months ago.she was still there till yesterday.now she's in the ESI hospital right next to my house 'cause she swallowed poison.

jim morrison says "our days are bright..
and filled with pain..."

i wonder whether the bugs know that they'll be dead before morning...you know what i think..i think they're aware of it and thats why they want to be around the light even if it artificial 'cause they'll be dead before sunrise...they wont be able to see the lightof the day anymore,thats why.
bugs bugs and more bugs..i also wonder why Bugs Bunny is named "Bugs"...

i found out yesterday that i like honey..yeah its wierd but thats ok. i like honey..there was a huge jar of honey lying on the table and i was drawn to it like some unknown force..and i tasted it, and it wasnt like i was tasting it for the first time but i really liked it, more than i had ever liked it. well i guess thats happens, you tend to like things a little more and a little less at different times of your life.

i'm going on a trip to the sunderbans for 3 days from the 8th to the 10th of december. its a compulsory school trip for the geography students.
my dad's paranoid and he thinks the sunderbans are really dangerous and he says he's going to talk to the principal about the security on the trip.yeah...he's wierd i know..but thats ok.

morrison says ..."is everybody in?
wake up!!.."

yeah yeah i'm awake.
awake.
shake the dreams from your hair he says.
[the monotonous drum beat continues with the occasional fill-ins]
imagine it.close your eyes and do it.

today.
rick's grandfather expired.
he was eighty-something.
went there in the morning and then the doctor came and wrote a "death certificate" for him.
for christ sake, what the fuck is this world coming to...the guy's dead for crying out loud...you need a bloody certificate to prove that he's dead!
sometimes somethings really really piss me off...sometimes somethings pisses everybody off.
then they decorated him with white flowers and then everybody sat and talked about how he died in his sleep and how he was normal yesterday and then the relatives started arriving..
two of them...no actually three cried..others didnt.
after an hour people had started to talk about other things..it was wierd...though this time it wasnt ok.
a man had died...but you know..he was old...it was his time...hell yeah.it was his time...huh..
then the people came with the car and they brought the stretcher thingy.
and then...
this woman was standing there and they were bringing dadu in the stretcher thingy and she was in their way and the stretcher was about to touch her and she saw that and she literally ran out of the way because she didnt want the stretcher with the dead old man on it to touch her.
i felt sick.
yeah i felt sick...no comments on this ..you do the commenting.

so anyway
people are born and people die...
though..
i never wanna die under a caption that says..
"17 were killed"...

so jim morrison said "something something taxi/cab to some place something and then something"

alright.
i need sleep.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

A SEQUEL TO LIFE

When i died it was just another thing.
I was kind of looking up to it from the moment i knew i was going to die.
You know we always talked of the inevitable end being death and shit like that and we make a big deal out of it but seriously, it was nothing like that.
it was just another thing. like um...like brushing you teeth, or maybe.. chewing some kind of food which is in your mouth.yeah.just like that.

actually i would never have known that i'm dead, if it wasnt for Ming.
I had this funny sensation in my stomach, you know the ones you get when your on the giant wheel and when its descending from the topmost point..one of those and thats it.

i was like what the..? and then i saw Ming.

i had first met Ming when i was 7 years old.
She used to live in the same complex i used to. so we often played games together. she was my first friend...as in friend...you know what i'm saying?..yeah. ok.
so we used to hang out together.i never knew she had asthma. when she died my mother told me what exactly asthma was and etc.
i was 9 when she died..and so was she.
and
i was 24 when i died..she was still 9.


so when i saw Ming in her red dress, white panty-hoes and black ballerina shoes i thought it was just another dream like the ones i used to have after her death but she told me and made me realise that i had actually died.
so i was like.."so thats it..i'm dead?"...and she nodded, her dark hair falling over her eyes and covering them completely.

You know the wierd thing about dying is the fact that you never know where exactly you are.I mean the place. i can never tell where exactly i am. which state, which country. heaven? hell?
Theres nothing called "Heaven" or "Hell"...
Theres no God or Satan...nothing.....trust me....hello! i'm dead!

its like your walking through a fog so thick that everyhthing seems like a a freshly painted empty room of a house where nobody's moved in yet or somebody has moved out. everything looks and feels clean, it smells clean as well. there is no air to breathe, no dust particles in the air, no shadows..but a constant whisper, like you can hear someone talking in a different room and your trying to find out the source of the sound so your always looking for something..atleast thats what i feel.

i dont know if i'm a ghost or not. i dont think i am...so i asked Ming if i was.. we were ghosts...
she didnt think we were.
i asked her what were we supposed to do.. now that we were dead..
she said that she didnt know.
nobody knew. she told me i'de get used to it...she had.

so i thought... this was it.
death...the other side of life.
i wonder why i didnt meet other dead people as well.
like i wanted to meet many peopl actually...starting off with kurt cobain and leonardo da vinci..and many others but that never happened.
it was just Ming and I.
I never feel tired, i never feel lonely, i never feel frustrated...nothing..its wierd.
actually you wont understand now...just wait alright? just...wait.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Arriving Somewhere But Not Here


put one foot in front of the other in one straight line, if one foot falls crooked
then turn around, retrace your steps back and you would reach the starting line.
start from there again, as the man with the loud voice tells you to do that.
when i was in your place, things were different because the man was never there.
i remember i held my own hand and started to stroll from the finishing line and reached the end which was the beginning, but i didnt care and so and still, i was placed on the topmost stand and given a bouquet of tulips...simply because i liked tulips.
they didnt dry up for a week..... i was waiting.

you told me you have a blank page now
you think should you fill it up with words somehow?




so i tell you that
once i trapped a white flame in my hands, long ago
and it helped me to think so i never let it go.

until now, as i dont need it anymore

there is a tune in my head which keeps going louder and softer and changing with every step i take,
i'm addicted to it and i cannot continue going without it, neither can i stop
because it compells me to believe that i can arrive somwhere/anywhere..
but not here. .

Friday, October 06, 2006

The Pujo Photography Session...

I had planned to do major photography sessions this puja but for some unknown reason i couldnt.
these are the few snaps i managed to take.
look at them.
comment.
.
People at Madox Square
some kid who was annoying me...
And more people....
Close-up on Dashami
Our Idol
The Pan Shop Brothers
and more people.......
All that is green
The Idol in Madox Square
LIGHTS

[actually there were a few more but i got tired of uploading]

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Tableaux Vivants - A list of my favourite pictures

PARENTING ZERO-ZERO
WHERE IS THE GLORY
THE BOOK
SORDI
SCIENTIST
SAVAGE GARDEN
MUTTER
MONOBRAIN
MAGIC PIPE
LIES
KRYSTALLNACHTTHE HERMIT
GOLDEN EGGS
FAMILIAR
DES CARTES BABY
BOSCH
BARLETTA
ALISEDA

Monday, September 25, 2006

Across The Dark Side Of The Moon


He said
"And I am not frightened of dying, any time will do,
I don't mind. Why should I be frightened of dying?
There's no reason for it, you've gotta go sometime."
"I never said I was frightened of dying."
And I said, “But I am”

So he led the way
Beneath the astral stars
Brushing past the soft children
And the mad things.
We crossed-over a few backyard fences
I asked him where he was taking me
He said, “Look ahead and you will see”
I did and I saw the pagodas.
But we never stopped there.
He took me past Arden
And I thought we were heading towards Eden,
when he stopped before the altar
And prayed.
He said aloud. “Let us pray to anoint the rust off the shoulders of those narcotics
who are like ourselves”
When the prayer was over he turned to me with a smile on his lips.
He asked me,“Is it tomorrow, or just the end of time?”
And I replied,“It’s still yesterday.”

Friday, September 22, 2006

CODE

S,M,T,W,T,F,S.

do you know what this is?

Thursday, September 14, 2006

just give up.
no dont.
um..u can you know.
i know.
i think i will
then again.
XXX

Saturday, September 09, 2006

This Month's Top Ten Songs On My List

1. Closure ~ Opeth

2. Flugufrelsarinn ~ Sigur Ros

3. Echos ~ Pink Floyd

4. Baby one more time ~ Dilana Smith (not britney spears!!)

5. You and whose army? ~ Radiohead

6. Windowpane ~ Opeth

7. In two minds ~ Riverside

8. Time ~ Pink floyd

9. The Rain Song ~ Led Zeppelin

10. See you soon(acoustic) ~ Coldplay

Thursday, August 31, 2006

CRAZY

i went to the see the doctor the other day, and he told me i'm crazy.
i have nothing to say.
i always knew.
so did most of my friends.
thats because they're crazy as well, just not officially certified like me.

i have a friend who talks to imaginary people on the phone.Whenever see she's a nice cellphone, she gets excited, and puts it to her ear and starts a conversation so amazingly normal that i sit and gape at her for a long span of time.She can go on for hours without stopping or feeling that "ok thats enough"...i mean, i do...anyway.

i have another friend who thinks that she's a nice girl. She often proclaims this publicly, actually she does it all the time so we're pretty much used to it but i assure you the way she says it is certainly not normal. She also has some kind of wierd unearthly relation with her personal computer "pc" and she often tells me how annoying her pc can be sometimes.oh and recently whenever she goes to a high place she feels like jumping.ahem...

another friend of mine is verymuch what you would call our average teenage psycho maniac. she's also a killer. an animal killer at that!
till date she has killed:
-a pole cat(large)
-one baby kitten(you dont wanna hear the procedure!
-nearly her dog "meimei" ( several times)
-one pigeon
-one crow
-three baby sparrows
-13 goldfish(the last one had a most tragic death, but she said it must have been happy in its last hour of life as it was listening to Pink Floyd..but what if it had a bad taste of music and maybe it would have preferd "kata laga"!?)
-many many ants, flies and butterflies.(i think)...now dat is crazy enough for everybody!

ok another woman i know, she is eccentric. the little thing is always excited, jumping around and dont be fooled by her cute and adorable appearence cause she can be one pesky cat. it has been recorded (and i mean recorded) that all of a sudden amidst a peaceful environment she has some kind of fit in which she jumps and maked her head go round and round and you have to stay as far away as possible or you might get injured as i once did when she ran into me and made a bump on my nose from which i still have not recovered completely (the accident took place on the 24th of april 2006). so there goes another one.

ok this one i'm talking about is crazy in the sense that she does wat she is told to. as in if you tell her to do her "funny laugh" or her "funny dance" ..she'll instantly do it and i assure they...they are FUNNY!!!!
I mean they are so hilarious. they're...they're...um...theres no other word for them..CRAZY! next.

ok the person who i am talking about is the type of person who can sit for hours without talking to anybody. she is generally very quiet and does not speak much but she labels her furniture...that is she writes "toothpaste" on her toothpaste etc... with a marker. she also writes wierd things all over the walls of her room and her mirror and she sometimes lies flat and on her back playing dead and then throwing up.

ok one more. i have to write about this guy. he looks up at the sky everyday and sees god. and sometimes he sees god looking at him and sometimes he doesnt.
the stars are supposed to be god's eyes and when there are no stars then god is blind.and he also thinks that the hair on his right foot is more dense than the hair in his left foot.gross?...yes i know...

another friend i have goes gallavanting around the city in a car full of friends and eggs people on the road and he keeps a baseball bat in his car which he utilises in chasing baby thieves that come to his house to steal things and he also does a number of other things which i cannot tell anyone...

so you see i cant help being crazy because all my friends are crazy too.
or maybe they are my friends because they are crazy...
being crazy isnt bad.
all great people are/were crazy.
amen.

Monday, August 28, 2006

In Two Minds


sing me a love song
and i'll give you a reason
grant me an exucse
i'll give you religion
save me a candle
i'll offer you light
show me how to surrender
i'll teach you how to fight
give me a hand
i say i've got your back
colour me white
and i'll paint you black
write me a poem
i'll sing you a lullaby
if you teach me how to walk
i'll teach you how to flyi
i'll show you how to take
you teach me how to give
if i teach you how to die
will you show me how to live?

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Random Photographs


sunset on by-pass
i nearly missed it.
the car was moving too fast.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

eLink

This is my fool around photography elink:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/thepsychorocker


um..

i think thats about it.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Hello Me.

the red light flickered on and off ...on and off...on and off...
every night it would do the same.
and i would watch it from my balcony
where i would hide and smoke the cigarette i stole from uncle Douglas.
Uncle Douglas has a friend called Styne.
He likes to dress up like a girl sometimes and when he does he calls himself Madame Vulgara Mascara.
They also have a dog...called "Cow"....they dyed the dog, blue,red and yellow one day.The dog is still blue, red and yellow.
i tried to save it but ultimately i failed.
Poor dog.
Uncle Douglas is out tonight with Styne (not Madame Vulgara Mascara)
i do not know when they will be back.
I never know when they're back.
thats why i'm hiding in the balcony behind the spare tires..smoking
the red light is still flickering on and off...on and off...on and off...

there's a cat in the alley below.
she's a house cat.
and she's called ginger(quite normal).
"Cow" is jealous of her.

***

The phone is ringing.
but i wont pick it up.
because i'm supposed to be asleep by now.
uncle douglas does that alot.
calls to check whether i'm alseep or not.
the first time he did this i picked up the phone as i was watching late night televsion.
he screamed at me.
i had hung up.
i never fell for it again.

alvin usually spends the night with me when i'm alone.
we smoke a joint together, listen to psychedelic music and get high.
but he's not here tonight.
thats 'cause he's dead.
he died last month in a bus accident.
he was going for a family vaccation to san antonia and the bus fell into a ditch or something.
they say he was too weak to survive so many injuries.
yeah...alvin was unusually thin.
i always told him to eat more.
never listened to me. that bastard.
and now look what he's done.
gone and killed himself.
some people are just stupid.

a lot of people die around me.
i've noticed.
my mah died when i was a child.
i just remember that she had beautiful soft hair that i used to play with.
then my dad died cause he used to drink too much.
then uncle douglas took me in.
after that grandma died (she was kinda old)
and then alvin.

i think uncle douglas is back.
i can hear Styne's boots jingling.
i better go to bed now.
the flickering red light is still going on and off....on and off....on and off.


[the characters :uncle douglas, styne and "cow" the dog and "ginger" the cat are all real live characters..]

Sunday, August 13, 2006

PRIZE


WE CAME SECOND IN THE BHS FEST!!!!
YAY!!!!
MUHAHAHAHA!!


[sudden outburst of emotions...hehe.]